Found in a fortune cookie:

The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter.

“Ignorance killed the cat, sir, curiosity was framed.”

— C. J. Cherryh

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.

— John Kenneth Galbraith

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

–George Bernard Shaw

Statisticians know that if you put a man’s head in a sauna and his feet in a deep freeze, he will feel pretty good – on the average.

— Unknown

“If the same amount of energy that was spent studying the female bosom went into the space program, we would now be operating hot dog stands on the moon.” — D.W.B.

I have no idea who D. W. B. is but I believe he/she is right about this one.

“Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.”
— George Bernard Shaw; Caesar and Cleopatra

This should be taken to heart by everyone, no matter what they do or where they come from. –I know far too many people who simply can’t imagine anything but their way. –Sometimes, when I catch myself thinking this way, I have to step back and consider if I am acting like a barbarian.

“Stupidity got us into this mess; it ought to be able to get us out”
— Will Rodgers

Yep!

Another good one for an election year.

If a large number of chimpanzees at typewriters will eventually write “War and Peace”, then Congress will certainly balance the budget. —Unknown

I don’t know why I like this little verse. Maybe a shrink could tell me…

If I don’t drive around the park,
I’m pretty sure to make my mark.
If I’m in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such
I’ll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
because I do not give a damn.
–Dorothy Parker